Review Ghostly Desires Developer: Spice Interactive Publisher: Spice Interactive Genre: Erotic Adventure Release Date: 1995 Platform: Review by Randy Sluganski March 23, 2005		Buy this game at Trade for this game at:

Let’s set our Wayback Machine for 1995, when bell-bottom trousers and Kurt Vonnegut were all the fad and . . . oops, sorry, we went back a little too far! Let’s tinker with the controls a bit and see if we can reset them.

Ah, there we go, 1995 – thank you Peabody - what a great year. Toy Story was all the rave in the movie theatres, the Rock ‘n Roll Hall of Fame opened in Cleveland, Sony released an unknown console with the silly name of Playstation and Roberta William’s groundbreaking Phantasmagoria was the center of controversy on home computers and in retail stores that refused to sell the game. Phantasmagoria was a groundbreaking full-motion-video (FMV) game that pushed the medium to limits never before attempted.

Ghostly Desires, on the other hand, uses FMV to push the medium to new lows.

While erotic/sexual adventure games are not rare, neither are they commonplace. Kama Sutra was actually a legitimate attempt to introduce sexual/mature elements into an adventure game and – although not as well done – so were games like Druuna Morbis, Riana Rouge and Erotica Island (the latter two being strong entries for the Dungeon of Shame!).

Ghostly Desires though is nothing more than an excuse to watch short, pornographic movies. Even worse, it is a blatant rip-off of 7th Guest with a nude Staff, er Stauf.

For those who want to make believe that the plot is important, the game takes place in Cortland Manor, a courtly southern mansion that had been converted into a bordello until gutted by a fire that claimed the lives of six of its ladies in their rooms and their Madame, Lexiana O'Brian. The mansion was eventually rebuilt, but never sold as the restless spirits of the crispy courtesans now scare away potential customers. Why are these buxom beauties restless? Well, they never got to fulfill their final sexual desires due to the deadly fire. Finally, the refurbished mansion was taken over by the state and designated a national monument, and that is where you come in.

This story is outlined in the very beginning of the game via the Madame’s haunted book in the foyer. You must then explore the rooms of the manor and attempt to free the spirits of each harlot by solving a puzzle, and I use the term ‘solving a puzzle’ very loosely for these are about the most dumbed-down puzzles imaginable.

For example, one of the rooms has a window that has been bricked in. You must simply click on the bricks and match symbols to solve the puzzle. In the piano room you must tickle the ivories to play Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. Just to ensure your brain isn’t overtaxed, the notes for the song are clearly placed on the piano’s music sheet. And what is your reward for solving these puzzles? Well, besides the mental stimulation and the satisfaction of knowing you have freed these women from their spiritual existence, you then get to watch a FMV of them engaging in their profession. A piano tuner tunes more than the owner’s piano, a phone sex call turns into a visit from the caller and so on. It’s all pretty drab soft porn.

But, for those of you who are really horny and just want to get on with the movies, there is a book in the library that, when clicked on, automatically solves that pesky puzzle and puts you right into the movie. Why didn’t we ever have this option in the Gabriel Knight games!?

Probably the most imaginative moment of the entire game is a chess puzzle that at first glance appears as though it will be a direct rip-off from 7th Guest. But since this game is about watching naked people, don’t worry about being slowed down by playing a game of chess for when you click on the chessboard, the pieces just begin to randomly move around the board of their own accord. It’s actually pretty funny.

The game uses a smart cursor that changes as it moves over interactive areas. The graphics are cheesy and the colors bland - don’t worry though, the video quality of the porno movies is excellent. I would like to tell you that the voice acting is well-done, but it is hard to judge based on moaning alone. There are some nice superimposed full-motion-video supernatural effects of the Madame, especially one funny instance where you can flush her down the toilet.

So you’ve persevered and saved all six women. What’s left to do? Well, now you must travel to a secret cave beneath the mansion and free the Madame. In what can only be described as a form of cursor foreplay, you must touch Madame O'Brian in inappropriate places with your cursor until she has finally removed all of her clothing and stands before you in all her glory.

Ghostly Desires is not a good game by any stretch of the imagination, but it was probably never intended to be anything more than it is – a half-dozen short porno movies punctuated by short breaks to walk from one room to another while you wipe the sweat from your brow.

If you’re interested, Ghostly Desires is often available on Ebay which is where I purchased my copy. You may want to request it be sent to you in a plain, brown wrapper. Not because of the pornographic material, but rather the embarrassment if your mailman knew you had such bad taste.

Final Grade: F
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