Adventure Island Survivor
Week 6

Darkness descends, and tiki torches are held high as our motley trio weaves its way through the undergrowth. Manny leads the procession, with Tex bringing up the rear. Guybrush keeps an equal distance between the two, seemingly to disassociate himself from whomever might be this week's loser.

Quietly taking their seats upon a smoothed log that had been felled by a midnight lightening storm, the three raise their heads and lock eyes with their white-garbed host, Mr. Roarke. He slowly raises an immaculate hand skyward, and out of the darkness appear the participants who have been voted off the island over the previous five weeks--Laura Bow, Simon the Sorcerer, Edward Carnby, Twinsen, and the much-maligned April Ryan.

"We are gathered here to eliminate another contestant from Fantasy Island."

There is buzz among the survivors. April Ryan sidles over to Mr. Roarke, stands on her tiptoes, and whispers in his ear.

"My apologies. Since the death of my beloved Tattoo, I have no one to keep me informed of the latest news stories Ah, how I miss our evenings together sipping champagne and spraying whipped cream ..."

Twinsen's ball bouncing off Roarke's head snaps him out of his reverie and back to the moment at hand.

"Ahem. Yes. We are gathered to eliminate another contestant from Adventure Island. The readers of Just Adventure have already done their part, and their final tally will count as 40% of the total vote. We shall now hear from the previous occupants, who shall each cast one vote worth 12% of the total. We will begin with the last person voted off, April Ryan."

"I vote off Simon the Sorcerer! He used trickery to dupe the readers into ..."

"Ms. Ryan," interrupts Mr. Roarke, "you may not vote off Simon the Sorcerer--he has already been banished."

"But ..."

"Sorry, Ms. Ryan. Please, we are all aware of your hatred of teenage boys, but you must abide by the rules."

"Well, in that case, I vote off Tex Murphy. There's just something icky about a middle-aged guy on an island wearing a raincoat."

"Very well. Mr. Twinsen, may we have your vote please?"

Twinsen poses in action mode and points towards Tex Murphy.

"Hmmm, yes. It seems we now have two votes against Mr. Murphy. May we now have your vote, young Mr. Simon?" asks Roarke.

"That Guybush is a creep. The bloke tried to bugger me one night!"

"You backed into a tree branch, you homophobic adolescent. I have a lovely, if often kidnaped, wife. What would I want with a pony-tailed, pointy-headed, second class sorcerer like yourself?" Guybrush unsheathes his sword and takes a step towards Simon. As he swings his steel in an arc, Manny attempts to intervene by stepping between the two. His left arm is sliced neatly from his body. The corpse known as Manny Calavera quietly glares at all the participants and then reattaches his arm to his bloodless socket.

"Gentlemen, please," Roarke intervenes, "we now have two votes against Mr. Murphy and one against Mr. Threepwood. Mr. Carnby, your vote?"

A man of few words, Carnby simply says, "Manny," his disgust at associating with the undead evident in the scowl on his face.

"Thank you, Mr. Carnby. Ms. Bow, you have the final vote before we announce the decision of the readers."

"I would rather not vote anyone off the island. I love everyone here."

"With all due respect, Ms. Bow, you must cast a vote."

"If I must, then I vote for Guybrush to leave only so he can spend some quality time with his lovely wife before his new game is released."

"Thank you, Ms. Bow. We have now heard from our previous survivors. The votes were cast as follows: two against Tex Murphy for a total of 24%, two against Guybrush for a total of 24%, and one against Manny for a total of 12%. We shall now announce the vote of the Just Adventure readers."

Roarke strides to the center of the platform, the flickering torches casting his shadow across the three remaining survivors.

"By a slim margin, the Just Adventure readers have voted Guybrush Threepwood off the island. This 40% vote, when added to the previous survivors' votes, adds up to a total of 64% in favor of Guybrush leaving. Mr. Threepwood, if you would please extinguish your torch and exit to my right."

All heads are hung low and eye contact avoided as Guybrush, head held high, walks slowly down the ramp.

Mr. Roarke faces the two survivors--Manny Calavera and Tex Murphy. There is an eerie hush as even the chirping insects of the jungle are still.

"So, gentlemen, we have arrived at this moment. Only two of you remain. The Just Adventure readers' votes will once again comprise 40% of the total, and the previous survivors will return with each of their votes worth 10% of the total.

No longer is this a simple personality contest. It has become a battle of epic proportions. Microsoft versus LucasArts. Light versus dark. Good versus evil. SCUMM versus VRML. May the best company win.