The Sole Survivor!

Tex Murphy and Manny Calavera.

Two men. One dead, one alive.

Two heroes. One from the 21st Century, the other timeless in death.

Both have survived the rigors of island life. Deriving sustenance from places never imagined. Nothing has been safe from their relentless hunger--bugs, rats, and crustaceans have all scurried from their approach.

Now they sit side by side; bonded by a common goal--to be the sole survivor of Adventure Island.

Across from them, their faces distorted by the flickering torches, edgily sit the six ex-survivors all ousted by a vote of their peers.

A single, shrill blast from a conch shell cuts through the heavy silence, heralding the approach of our host for this final installment of Adventure Island Survivor.

Emerging from the darkness of the bush, his pearly whites are in direct contrast to the blackness of the jungle.

He thrusts his rigid index finger towards the center of the makeshift bamboo stage that houses the wavering torch lights and in a voice that is firm, yet piercing, he intones to no one in particular ...

"It's time to play ‘Who Wants to be an Adventure Island Survivor!'"

Regis turns to face Tex and Manny. "First, let's hear from our survivors. Would each of you explain why you think you deserve to be the winner? Tex?"

The P.I. stands. His rumpled raincoat and unshaven face look just as bad as they did the first of this competition. Tex scowls at Regis, "Where's Roarke?"

"It seems Mr. Roarke's deceased buddy, Tattoo, has rejoined the living. No one seems quite sure how this happened, but just to be on the safe side it was decided to be in the best interests of the fairness of the competition to remove Mr. Roarke from the proceedings." Regis suspiciously eyes Manny, "The last time Roarke was seen he was running across the beach waving a can of whipped cream."

"Well, I've got nothing to hide," Tex drawls, "being stuck on this island was no worse than my lonely, divorced life back home. If I'm the sole survivor, then for once in my life maybe I can be perceived as a winner instead of the pathetic loser that everyone thinks I am."

"Very inspirational, Mr. Murphy. Mr. Calavera," asks Regis, "your turn to share. Would you also care to explain how you came to be in this ‘undead' state?"

Manny attempts to lower his big black eyes, but can't since he doesn't have any pupils, "When I was a kid in Mexico, I used to work in a sweatshop run by a crazy lady. There was an accident one day ..."

"Ahem, yes," Regis interrupts, "well, let's get to the voting, shall we?" Regis turns to the six ex-castaways. "Each of your votes will count as ten percent of the total. The final forty percent of the vote has been cast by the readers of Just Adventure. Mr. Edward Carnby of parts unknown, may we have your vote, please?"

Once again Carnby, a man of few words and staunch principals, simply utters the name "Manny" as a testament to his disgust with the walking dead.

"Short but sweet. Thank you, Mr. Carnby. Mr. Threepwood from the island of Monkey. May we have your vote, please?"

Guybrush and Simon the Sorcerer are sitting next to each other, their hands on each other's knees. Guybrush stands, "We are casting our vote together. We have both decided to vote that luscious hunk Tex Murphy off the island. We want to see what he's hiding under that raincoat."

Tex cringes, "I thought you two hated each other?"

"Simon is swashing my buckle now, if you know what I mean," Guybrush says, and both he and Simon giggle in unison.

"Ah, yes, well, thank you, gentlemen. We now have two votes against Tex Murphy and one against Manny Calavera. Mr Twinsen of the planet Twinsun, your vote please."

Twinsen's ball ricochets off Regis's head. It lands in Manny's lap. Regis rubs his forehead.

"We stand at two votes apiece. April Ryan of Arcadia, may we have your vote?"

"Well with all due respect to Mr. Murphy, I've seen what's underneath that raincoat and Mr. Simon and Mr. Guybrush can have it all for their own. Let's just say I'll never eat shrimp again without thinking of Mr. Murphy."

"Well, it's 3 to 2 against Mr. Murphy. Let's get our final vote now from Ms. Laura Bow of New York."

Laura stands, acutely aware that all eyes are on her, "Regis, I would like to phone a friend."

"Let's have our good friends at AT&T telephone Ms. Bow's friend. Ms. Bow, I understand that your friend used to work with you at Sierra?"

"That's correct, Regis, and though he can sometimes be a real wolf, I still trust his opinion."

"Hello."

"Yes, hello. This is Regis. I have a good friend of yours on the line who would like your opinion."

"Hello, Gabriel. This is Laura."

"Laura. Long time, no see, sweet cheeks."

"Uh, Gabriel, there are millions of people listening," Laura's face is as red as a boiled crab's shell, "Gabe, I must vote one person off Adventure Survivor Island. Who would you eliminate--Manny Calavera or Tex Murphy?"

"That Tex Murphy is a no-good, low-life cheat. I was supposed to be on Adventure Island. He conked me on the head from behind and took my spot when he found out there was prize money. He's a ..."

"Yes, well, thank you, Mr. Knight. It seems no one on this island is without their little faults. We currently stand at four votes against Mr. Murphy and two against Mr. Calavera. The deciding vote is in the hands of the Just Adventure readers."

Regis pauses to adjust his tie and plug his new line of men's suits.

"Ladies and gentlemen, by an overwhelming majority, the readers of Just Adventure have voted Manny Calavera off the island. That puts the final tally at 40% against Mr. Murphy and 60% against Mr. Calavera. Congratulations are due to you, Mr. Murphy, our Adventure Island Survivor winner. Would you care to say a few words?"

Tex stands and furtively attempts to smooth out the wrinkles in his raincoat. He tugs on the brim of his hat and then squints toward the camera.

Dear JustAdventure.com guys, voters, and misinformed porno surfers:

As many of you know, I haven't been seen in public for several years. What you may not know is that I've been on this god-forsaken island since shortly after my Overseer case ended. En route to what promised to be my most exciting case ever (The Case of Poisoned Papaya), my speeder ran out of gas. Fortunately, I washed up here. A couple years passed uneventfully. I worked on my tan, came up with 100 fun things to do with a coconut, and memorized the contents of the only reading material I'd brought with me (Letters to Playbub).

Several months ago, when the TV crews showed up, I thought I was saved, but somehow got thrown in with the other "survivors." Despite my serious hygiene problems, appalling etiquette, and repeated attempts to get banished from the tribe, I was forced to stay, week after week.

Imagine my surprise when, despite not running around naked or being homosexual, I was named the winner. I now look forward to returning home and trying to explain to Chelsee why I'm over two years late for our date. On the up side, the producers have assured me that the $1,000,000 check is "in the mail."

Again, thank you one and all.

(Tex's acceptance speech was written by Tex Murphy creators Aaron Conners and Chris Jones.)