Articles

by Jeff Strand November 22, 2002

The Seriously Whacked Point of View by Jeff Strand

As you may know, the Just Adventure forum is back in business! This, along with such great sites as Gameboomers, allows adventure gamers to chat about their hobby with people all over the world. Though I enjoy lurking on occasion, my busy schedule prevents me from participating in these bulletin boards as much as I'd like; nevertheless--

Okay, that's a lie. Do you want to know why I don't participate very often in these forums? For the same reason a recovering alcoholic avoids spending his or her free time in bars during Happy Hour. I get absolutely ADDICTED to these things. I mean, really, seriously addicted. It's a little scary.

For example, as I write this, one of the most recent topics at Gameboomers is titled "Worst Maze?" and people have been asked to share the worst maze they've ever encountered in a game. The worst maze I've ever encountered in an adventure game is from the Infocom text adventure Sorcerer, where you have to navigate a three-dimensional glass maze, and then once you get to the end and get the scroll you were after, the panels all shift so that it's a completely different maze when you try to get out!

Sure, I could post this. But then what? As a rational human being, you'd think that I would then continue with my life as usual. Maybe tomorrow, around this time, I'd check back with Gameboomers and see what other particularly vicious mazes people had to share, and then I'd skim a few more topics, maybe respond to a couple of them, and then go do something else.

You'd be wrong.

I'd check that freakin' topic every three freakin' minutes to see what other people thought of my post. I know, deep inside, that a very tiny percentage of my life should be devoted to seeing what people said about Sorcerer's maze, but it just doesn't work that way. Sometimes I might not even leave the Gameboomers page...I'd just keep clicking on the "refresh" button waiting for a new message in that topic! It's sick and maybe even a little sad, but I know my psychological status, and therefore I have to avoid participating in these forums as much as possible.

Addiction aside, there's a lot of fun stuff to be found here. One thing you'll notice is that people LOVE to post lists. (My Top Five Adventure Games Of All Time: Day of the Tentacle, Curse of Monkey Island, Sanitarium, Circle of Blood, Sam & Max Hit The Road.) If you have an opinion on the Top Ten Adventure Game Heroes Who Sort Of Look Like Steve Martin, you can rest assured that plenty of other people will, too. I have opinions on all of these things. Just thinking about it, now I want to compile a list of the Top Five Best Endings in an adventure game...but no...I must resist...MUST resist...

I also follow the newsgroup comp.sys.ibm.pc.games.adventure, although people there tend to be more argumentative and more willing to inform you that your Top Five Puzzles Of All Time list is pure crap. I think it's because newsgroups are more anonymous, while if you post on Just Adventure or Gameboomers somebody might recognize your avatar. ("Hey, it's that guy who looks like the War Room fight from Dr. Strangelove...let's get him!")

One thing I can live without are the goobers who post in a particular topic to inform everybody that they aren't interested in this particular topic. So people will be sharing their Top Ten Adventure Game Sequels, and some wiener will say "Why do we even CARE about the top ten adventure game sequels?" If the topic says "Top Ten Adventure Game Sequels," and you aren't interested in hearing opinions about the Top Ten Adventure Game Sequels, then use your hand-eye coordination skills to prevent your mouse pointer from hovering over that topic and your finger from clicking on it. Don't be that wiener.

I don't wish to imply that adventure game bulletin boards are nothing but people posting lists. If they were, the addiction problem wouldn't be an issue. But I'm looking, and I'll be downloading that new e-zine "The Inventory," and I have something to contribute to the Escape From Monkey Island discussion, and I clicked on the "Game Wanted" topic just to see which game this guy wanted (you never know, I might have it and be willing to part with it!), and I can think of some adventure games that have multiple titles, and I can CERTAINLY rant about solving puzzles by accident, and...

...and I must be strong. I must not post. I have responsibilities that I must attend to, and if I let myself start getting carried away with these adventure game bulletin boards, who knows what could

[Editor's Note: Mr. Strand's column was submitted incomplete this time, and he hasn't been responding to e-mails. Just Adventure apologizes for the inconvenience.]

Jeff Strand is the author of Graverobbers Wanted (No Experience Necessary), How to Rescue a Dead Princess, Elrod McBugle on the Loose, and Mandibles. You can visit his Seriously Whacked website at http://www.jeffstrand.com.