--Subject immediately
exhibited very strong symptoms of kleptomania. Attempted to take
everything in my office, including the chewed gum in my wastebasket,
because "it might come in handy later." However, did not
seem to grow annoyed when I said "You can't take that,"
after he reached for each object.
--Subject believes
himself to be immortal, but also seems to believe in some sort of
reincarnation, which he described as something called "the
great restore" or "the sequel."
--Subject seems to
have no real concept of how time works. Sat motionless for nearly
fifteen minutes at one point (catatonia?), claims to have made international
voyages between two locations several times in a single day ("I
thought I missed something"). Does not like to be rushed, and
in fact grew extremely agitated when I mentioned that he needed
to decide if he wanted sugar in his coffee within a limited timeframe.
--Unable to cope with
adult problems. Claimed that solving a sliding tile puzzle has helped
him through major life crises.
--Had a very odd tendency
to try to use every object in his possession with every object in
my office, even when the two items together made no sense. Also
showed me each item he was carrying, asking for my opinion, as if
I might have some brilliant insight into his pair of tweezers. Became
elated when I traded him my pen for his magazine, as if he'd made
some sort of breakthrough. (Question: How did he fit so many things,
some of which were alive, in his jacket?)
--An extreme phobia
of mazes, possibly stemming from a maze-related incident in his
childhood.
--Strange speech habits.
Often repeated the exact same statement in the exact same manner.
Also had a bizarre habit of verbally describing many of his actions,
or his inability to perform them.
--Religious beliefs
center around He Who Controls The Mouse. Demonstrated a somewhat
grim world view, explaining that the "end" is usually
rushed and a major disappointment after all you went through to
get there.
--Final Diagnosis:
Absolutely completely stark raving mad. Needs to be locked away...QUICKLY!!!
