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E3 2006 THANKS FOR THE MAMMARIES by Randy Sluganski

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E3 2006 and a new edict has been enforced - no more booth babes - and the repercussions were swift. No more gawking teenage boys walking into walls, no more nearly nude women surrounded by contingents of Asian men, their cameras clicking at the speed of light; no more middle-aged men perfecting the art of sideways eyeball voyeurism while simultaneously maintaining a conversation.

But we still have our memories, our memories of mammaries, so thank you E3, thanks for the mammaries.

Every May in the city of Los Angeles, the video gaming community gathers together to celebrate itself, to pat each other on the butt and say “Job well done,” to whine about the constant attacks from politicians, while in the background larger than life plasma screens display a video game opponent’s brain being blown from his head in slow motion from six different angles.

But this is our story, the story of how the adventure gaming community gets very little respect, yet every year still seems to hold its head high and rise above the onslaught of violent images, the indifference from the large websites and magazines and the search in every nook and cranny for adventure games hid behind closed doors.

While the wussie boys - oops typo, my bad. That should have read intrepid reporters - from Gamespot, PC Gamer, et al get everything handed to them on a silver platter - and they do, for example, if you are in the middle of an interview or game demonstration and G4 or Gamespot arrives with their cameras, apologies are made as you are shepherded from the room as if you never existed – adventure gamers such as myself attend clandestine meetings in stairwells and coffee shops with developers and publishers who can’t afford the outrageous price of a booth at the E3.

But as I was saying, the staffs at the large sites and magazines don’t have a clue on how to find a real story or undiscovered gem of a game at the E3, they not so much reporters as they are parrots mimicking the p.r. bullcrap they are fed while they are being plied with free drinks and food. They are jaded individuals who complain about every inconvenience – real or imagined – even though they are granted access to special places and some of the most interesting individuals in the world. Every year at the E3 there is that one moment when you overhear a snippet of an unbelievable conversation while on your way to an appointment and this year was no different for as I passed two reporters from a large site (that I won’t name), I heard the following, “I’ll be back in about an hour, I have to go interview that Metal Gear m**********r.”

NEXT STOP, THE TWILIGHT ZONE

When you visit companies that are known for publishing or developing adventure games, you are welcomed with open arms, hugs and even kisses from the charming French women. But when you visit large mainstream companies that publish maybe one ‘big-name’ adventure game every year or two, you are a bug on their windshield, someone to be handed down to the lowest person on the p.r. totem pole. So it was that I arrived at THQ for an appointment with Charles Cecil, the founder of Revolution and the father of the acclaimed Broken Sword series.

“Excuse me, I’m Randy Sluganski from Just Adventure and I have a 5pm appointment with Charles Cecil.” I hand over my business card.

“Who?"

“Charles Cecil.” All five women behind the desk look at each other and shake their heads. One of them enters the large room behind the desk and reappears a few minutes later after questioning everyone in the room.

“I’m sorry sir, but no one here knows anybody with that name.”

“Well, your E3 press kit has a description and screenshots of his new Broken Sword Angel of Death game that THQ is publishing.” I show them the game description, all five again shake their heads.

Finally, realizing that I’m not going away, a light bulb goes off above the head of one of the woman as she has an epiphany and remembers that THQ also has meeting rooms upstairs. She makes a phone call and then proudly announces that, “There is a Charles Cecil upstairs in room 309.” I thank her and slink away, wondering if maybe I should have instead asked for that “Broken Sword m*********r.” (as a side note, I never did make my meeting with Charles as by this time, some health problems had resurfaced and I instead returned to my hotel)

Let’s jump ahead to the next day and another appointment with Charles Cecil, this time at 3:30pm. Again, by this time I am too tired to walk the distance to the THQ booth so instead, my colleague Ray Ivey keeps the appointment. At 3:31 my cell phone rings:

“Randy, its Ray. I’m at the THQ booth and everyone here says that they have never heard of Charles Cecil.”

Keep in mind that the people manning the front desk are most likely the same crew that had been there yesterday. Over the noise, I scream into my phone:

“Ray, tell them to call room 309 and ask if Charles Cecil is there.” I can hear Ray pleading over-and-over, please call room 309, my editor says that Charles is probably there.” Finally, someone has the common sense to listen to Ray’s request and he is on his way to room 309.

But this is not an isolated incident for every single year at the E3 there is always one big company that takes a chance on publishing an adventure game and every single year without fail, no one at the front desk has ever heard of the developer or the game and invariably, in response to my inquiries – usually a few months after the game has been published – the company will divulge that sales were flat for their adventure experiment.

The larger companies know nothing about the adventure community, even less about adventure game demographics, hell, some of them have never even heard of Just Adventure. In other words, they do not have the slightest clue how to market their product and then blame low sales on consumer indifference. Just make a quick list of some of the more well-known adventure developers and then take note of how many have had their games published by numerous different publishers. For example, Indigo Prophecy was one of the most critically acclaimed games of 2005, yet Quantic Dream, the developers, still do not have a publisher for their next project Heavy Rain as Indigo Prophecy did not meet Atari’s sales expectations. Once again, the problem is not the games or the developers.

OUR HOT NEW TREND IS 500 YEARS OLD

I can’t even remember how many different developers told me, with actual excitement in their voices, that they were planning on incorporating something biblical in their game that related to Leonardo Da Vinci, or a puzzle that involved one of Da Vinci’s inventions or a reference to Da Vinci. I honestly would not be surprised if Da Vinci was a hidden character in Madden ’08. The guy's been dead for over 500 years and he’s the hottest new trend in gaming.

BECAUSE WE DON’T SUPPORT THOSE WHO DON’T SUPPORT THE ADVENTURE COMMUNITY

My response to the question I was asked most at the E3 which was, “Why hasn’t Just Adventure posted a review of Dreamfall?”

It's been a reoccurring problem in the adventure community for some time now, that when one of who we consider “our own” makes it big, they become blinded by the fame accorded them and forget about the “little people” that provided the initial grass roots support. So it is and so it shall probably ever be, but life is a two way street and we are not under any obligation to continue to support those with short memories.

THE ONE THING I WISH ANYONE HAD SAID TO ME AT THE E3

“Damn boy, you’re much better looking in person than that picture on your site.”

HOW LOWE CAN YOU GO?

Well, spank my butt and call me Sally, if it isn’t Al Lowe, he of Leisure Suit Larry fame! Our meeting took place in a beer garden – which somehow seemed appropriate – where Al and his partner, industry veteran Ken Wegrzyn, spilled the beans about their new company iBase Entertainment and their first game currently in development, Sam Suede: Undercover Exposure.

It’s obvious that Ken is the brains behind the project, while Al is the pretty face meant to sell games (much like my position at Just Adventure). My first question to Al was why he had not initially invited Just Adventure to his press conference announcing his new company and his honest response was, “I was embarrassed to contact you since Sam Suede’s not an adventure game.” Well Al, as I told you at the E3, the adventure community will love you no matter what you do (in a non-Brokeback Mountain sort of way, of course).

So what is Sam Suede? Well, it’s being promoted as an action-comedy, a little bit platformer, a little bit action, a little bit mystery. It has been in production for some time and there is a trailer and also some screenshots available and we’ll soon have a preview on Just Adventure.

As I was leaving, I grabbed the opportunity to ask Leisure Suit Larry, the man who put the ‘bare ass’ in embarrassment, his thoughts on the absence of booth babes at this year’s E3. His response, “Just like Al Lowe, the booth babes will be back!”

WHY THE FRENCH HATE AMERICANS

My last meeting before I left the E3 was not only memorable, but was also the most unforgettable meeting I’ve ever been to in my ten years of attending the E3.

Late in the day, I had the good fortune to find the French Pavilion – a makeshift meeting room for - among others – Kheops Studio, White Birds & Quantic Dream; in other words, heaven for the adventure gamer.

After a few scheduled meetings, I noticed Benoit Hozjan of Kheops Studio in a cubicle in the back of the room. After apologizing, for missing a meeting the day before (as the French Pavilion was in a new location this year), I asked if he could make some time for me, which he graciously agreed to do even though he had another meeting scheduled with Laura McDonald of Adventure Gamers in about ten minutes.

Seated at a small table in front of a laptop, Benoit and I were soon joined by Ray Ivey, Annette Bechamp of Dreamcatcher, Laura MacDonald and the developer of Destinies, Jan Kavan. We were all seated around Benoit in the crowded booth - except for Ray who was standing – treated to previews of Secrets of Da Vinci and Safecracker. As the laughter and noise in our booth reached a crescendo, IT happened; the incident that was to make us the most unwelcome visitors in the French Pavilion for years to come.

Ray, cramped for room, leaned against the wall to his right - not realizing that it was only a temporary wall on wheels – and as the wall fell, it created a domino effect knocking over all of the other walls in the French Pavilion in slow motion trapping the occupants of each cubicle beneath the collapsed walls.

Now, I’ve never heard anyone scream in fear in French before but, not surprisingly, it sounded almost similar to someone screaming in English. Sort of a high-pitched ‘eeeeek’!

Luckily, no one was hurt, and even though I don’t understand French, I do know a swear word when I hear one regardless of the language. And as we slunk away from the French Pavilion, I couldn’t help but think that next year, well, next year they’ll probably lock the door to the pavilion when they see Just Adventure approaching.

HOW COME YOUSE JAG-OFFS DON’T TALK LIKE ME?

Every year at the E3 I meet with people from France, Turkey, Greece, Italy, Germany and numerous other countries and every year these people apologize to me for their ‘bad English’ when, in fact, I should be apologizing to them for not knowing one word of their respective languages.

This year I met someone who shocked me by asking if I was from Pittsburgh. Suspecting I was maybe being kidded, I asked how he knew. His reply, “I recognize the accent, I’m from Pittsburgh too you jag-off.” (This is a joke that only people from Pittsburgh will find funny)

IS IT PROPER ETIQUETTE TO ANSWER THE PHONE WHILE FLUSHING?

The fancy hotel room I stayed in had a phone on the wall next to the toilet. Why would anyone want a phone next to their toilet? I’ve never yet sat down on the toilet and thought, ‘Boy, I wish there was a phone on the wall so I could call so-and-so.” For that matter, would you even want to take a call from someone who was sitting on the toilet? Probably the phone is there so you can call the front desk if the toilet paper roll is empty. Maybe I should have called that Metal Gear m**********r and interviewed him from the toilet.

THE BEST OF THE REST

Ray Ivey’s E3 report will cover most of the adventure games at the show, but there were a few companies I met with privately:

If I were to ask what company had the most adventure games on display at this year’s E3, what would be your reply? Most would respond Dreamcatcher or dtp? But actually Akella, a Russian company, had the largest selection of adventure games. The two most notable were the beautiful Dead Mountaineer’s Hotel and Tanita Plasticine Dream, which is reminiscent of the classic Neverhood.

Jan Kavan and Laura MacDonald presented a sneak preview of Destinies, a wonderful looking game that should have no problems finding a publisher.

Team Tarsier was floating around with Metronome, I personally think Metronome is revolutionary in its approach to the genre and we’ll have some screenshots and trailers soon.

German based dtp/Anaconda had numerous intriguing adventure games including Overclocked, Tony Tough 2 and Belief & Betrayal - all of which we will soon preview, but I publicly wanted to thank Claas Wolter for his time and attention. Not only is Claas the most joyful person I’ve ever spent time with, but he also - much like the staff of Dreamcatcher - is proud to admit his devotion to the adventure genre.

I also stumbled across Ankh 2 (the first Ankh will soon be published in North America by Viva Media) and an unannounced game behind closed doors that I’ve promised to not name, but I have a sinking feeling it will be disclosed soon.

TOMORROW:

Yes, we looked at some games at the E3 and Ray Ivey will be here to tell you all about the adventure game line-up. Plus, in the weeks ahead, we’ll have lots of screenshots, previews and interviews of the more than two dozen adventure games we saw at the E3.